And the award goes to...
Casey Anthony!
Yes, the lady who lost her daughter and didn't call the authorities for a month might be one of the worst mothers in America. But she's also one of the sexiest! Whooo!
Now, the Captain knows a thing or two about sarongs and the American Flag-themed get-up Casey is sporting above is meant to not only capture our hearts but also our dongs. And it works. I'm totally smitten.
Normally, with the frequency stories like this happen across the newswire, I wouldn't be so interested. But, normally, the mothers involved being accused of drowning or cutting or stabbing or microwaving their own children don't look like Casey Anthony. Va va voom!
Being under the intensely-scrutinizing gaze of the mug shot camera can make anyone look horrible. But Casey is still able to keep her poise, her trashy charm and, dare I say it, yes, even her sexiness throughout her separate booking processes. Only a natural beauty could pull off something like that.
The Shitty Captain has a new crush. What's best is I don't like kids and apparently neither does Casey. Sounds like a match made in heaven.
That bright boomerang smile, those elfin ears, her greasy-but-still-gorgeous dark locks. Mmmm.Deceitful? Maybe. Cute as a button? Absolutely.
And can that chick par-tay! Even faced with the disappearance of her tiny child, the woman could still find time to drink it up and shake her shit.
The Captain, as you may already know, loves to party. The Captain also very much appreciates a woman who understands the value of careful prioritizing. Keeping this third-person thing going, The Captain also thinks Casey Anthony should call him once her schedule frees up.
But I must confess a slight predilection towards petite, pale brunettes with youngish features. And nice boobs. So you can certainly understand my current fascination with one alleged child-murdering inamorata.
By the way, Casey, if you're reading this - the big, dark sunglasses look really suits you. I mean, it makes almost anyone look good, hence the current trend. But you rock the style and make it your own. With most girls it's like, "Hel-lo! Who are you hiding from?" But with you, you're actually hiding from the paparazzi and the people camped outside of your door calling you a babykiller.
That's street cred. That's juice.
So, please, join me in presenting to Casey the Sexiest Unfit Mother Award of 2008. You deserve it. Sharon Stone has nothing on you.
Oh, and don't forget, there's still a child missing through all of this. So if you have any information on little Katie or Callie or whatever her name is, the number you can call is probably somewhere on the internet. Just google her name and something is bound to pop up.
Meanwhile, you stay strong Casey.
And don't forget to holla.
