Corhole Is Stupid

Yeah, I said it. Cornhole is stupid.

And guess what? I live in on the campus of a major university.

The last time I threw a bean bag at something, I was trying to make a Tic-Tac-Toe. Not only that, but I was trying to prevent the other guy from ruining my attempts while at the same time trying to thwart his. Talk about nuanced. At least that's something to play for.

You know what else I hate? That game, I don't even know what it's called, where you throw two little balls connected by a string at a standing unit made out of PVC pipe.

Being so goddam popular, I've seen both on sale in the sports store across the street from the school's football stadium.

Now, I'm no general hater of mindless gaming to pass the time, no. But it just seems that college kids aren't really trying when it comes to dumb recreation.

We didn't have lawn darts (or yard darts, or yarts, or whatever the fuck) so we threw scissors up in the air. Sometimes at each other. That was fun. More importantly, it was innovative adaptation. Something severely lacking in the current crop of college youth.

To wit, beer pong.

Beer pong?

Double-you tee eff, son?! That is one slapdash, piece-of-crap excuse for getting drunk. Seriously, it's Quarters for retards. You can do the same thing at the county fair and win a goldfish, that's how simple it is.

Not only that, but it's also incredibly pretentious. The same people who won't drink muscatel with you at 10 in the morning because they're not, and I quote, alcoholics are the same people who get sloppy-faced wasted playin' the pong and chalk it up to the other guy's skill with a little plastic ball.

Of course, they may refuse to drink muscatel at 10 with you because you've pissed yourself but that doesn't lessen my point any at all.

All I'm saying, if you're going to get fucked up at least admit that's what you're trying to do. We had a game we liked to play fairly frequently. There was no formal title, but the rules were pretty simple: If you do a bong hit, then you drink a beer. That got you lit up quick. When we weren't playing that we had another game with different rules: If you take a drink of beer, then you do a bong hit.

There's no reason to be coy about getting your buzz on.

So back to my original point, which, up until now, I have not backed up very well (nor will I probably) - Cornhole is stupid.